What Science Says You Should Do Before Getting Married
When you meet the love of your life, it seems that everything is starting to make sense. It is one of those experiences that you can genuinely say “once in a lifetime”. The feeling of having that special someone with you all the time is such a positively overwhelming feeling. For this reason, many people are doing their best to look for this special connection. Some fail all the time and succeed only later in life, while others found their other half before even realizing they’ve found them.
Forming relationships is a long and complicated process. As it involves two people, it needs to be worked on together, or else everything falls apart. However, there are some things that you might forget as well, even if you are already established as a couple. On the other hand, some people are so in love that they go to the next level as soon as possible. We all know where it leads, the destination that most people either love or fear: marriage.
Challenges Before The Wedding
It is one of the most important decisions that one would make in one lifetime. You will be bound to another person both emotionally and legally, so many aspects of your life are going to be intertwined. One of the most important things that you need to do first is to understand what it means to get married as it is a complicated relationship. The word “complicated” might have a negative connotation to most people, but anyone cannot deny that it describes marriage almost too perfectly.
For this reason, it is crucial to establish a great relationship long before the romantic ship sailed. As long as it is stable, then you can traverse through any kind of storm in your lives. Remember, you will probably add more members to your family as well. Children are often the reason why most couples stay together but don’t ever use them as a bargaining chip to make it work. They will end up having their lives in the future, and it is your responsibility as parents to stabilize your relationship first.
Science has advanced so much in the past years that it has bled into areas where it cannot touch before. For example, research on human psychology and behaviour was considered dangerous or useless in the previous century. Now though, many people are interested in this particular area and share their findings with the world. One of their focuses is romantic relationships, so let us see what they have to say about the things that you should do (and know) before even getting married.
Science Tells Us What (And What Not) To Do
1. Develop Your Relationship First, Preferably Starting As Friends
Friendship is considered one of the best ways that you can start a romantic relationship. In this way, there are only a few things that you need to discover with each other, and trust has already built up over time. According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., PhD, it is possible to have a platonic relationship between different sexes, but it does not mean that it will always end up in romance. However, there is a significant advantage if it does end up that way.
Another advantage of being friends before romance is the improvement of the give-and-take dynamic. For one, you probably already know each other since you have been friends before the relationship. Also, it is easy to introduce each other’s families and friends since you might have the same people. Some people may not be comfortable with the idea of marrying a close acquaintance, but it works well for others. It makes sense for two people who have been together for so long to end up together.
2. Testing The Relationship Might Not Pay Off In The Long Run
You might have heard of the trend to test the relationship to see if it is really between both parties. It can come in many different forms, from asking about private details to staging a fake cheating scandal. Aside from being a completely messy situation, many experts say that it is not the right thing to do, especially before the wedding. It might seem like you just measure the limits of your love for each other, but it can work the other way around. You might even end up damaging the relationship altogether if you are not careful.
A study was done by researchers from the University of Denver also said something similar to cohabiting couples. Even though there are advantages to entering such a situation, these people say that it has also led to an increase in psychological issues. Most of the correspondents said that they experienced bouts of anxiety and depression due to the test or cohabiting together to measure the relationship. If you are secure with your partner, then cohabit for the same reason, not for testing the grounds.
3. Incompatibility Is A Normal Experience, Contrary To Popular Opinion
Many people believe that being incompatible with a partner is already grounds for a breakup. However, there are many ways to interpret the incompatibility, and it differs from person to person and situation. As we have said before, it is also not the grounds to test the relationship. According to Aaron Zhu of medium.com, compatibility does not always stem from love either. It is a complex connection of feelings that make up both persons, and romance may or may not be a part of it.
It is important to know if you are compatible with the person you want to marry on a deeper level. However, do not use this as the only way and break up as soon as you do not agree on some things. There will always be a level of incompatibility between both of you, but there are also reasons why you are together in the first place. Try to figure out those reasons and see if it is worth it or not for both of you to pursue marriage.
4. Work Together On Any Task Possible
One of the signs of a healthy relationship is the harmonious relationship between the people involved, especially in simple situations like doing chores. There are many research articles that state working together seem to increase the likelihood for the relationship to last. It is because of the development of trust and camaraderie between two people, which makes the formation of love grow stronger. It is also the reason why most couples who actively participate in each other's activities last longer than others.
A poll done by the Pew Research Center suggests that more Americans like to have their partners help them with household chores. It is an integral part of any family, and they have suggested abandoning the idea that only women can do it. It is especially true with tasks that are seen as "womanly", like doing the dishes or "manly", like fixing appliances. We need to understand that both sexes can get the job done, and it has influenced marriage values over the years.
5. Quality Sex Is More Important Than How Many Times You’ve Done It
We cannot deny that sex plays a huge part in a romantic partnership. It is not necessary, but most people engage in it due to the pleasure of doing it. Of course, procreation is one of the main goals for heterosexual couples as well since they can conceive. However, the modern world views sex as a way to show love for one another more intensely.
However, it is critical to note that if you are sexually active with your partner, the quality of sex matters more than the quantity. According to research done at Carnegie Mellon University, most of the couples who underwent the study said that they were significantly less happy when their sex frequency double throughout a couple of months. There is a possibility that it is better to have more satisfying sex for both parties than increasing frequency.
6. Adapt Your Lifestyle With Each Other As Soon As Possible
Even before thinking about marriage, you should have been accustomed to each other way before it. It correlates to those who started as friends first, then fell in love in the process. As long as you are familiar with each other already, everything falls into place afterwards. You can also share your lifestyle choices to make it easier for you to work together.
Many studies are showing that sharing interests with both parties bolsters the relationship. It does not just create a better connection, but it helps in knowing each other more. Even though it can be difficult to live with each other’s lifestyles, it is an adjustment that you need to make for the relationship to work.
7. Discuss Your Usage Of Social Media As Individuals
As we are now living in the internet age, it is important to track your social media usage together as a couple. Rachel Sussman, a New York-based marriage expert, says that there is a pervading effect of social media on many couples worldwide. Most of them find themselves finding social media posts or anything related to it. Sometimes, it can also be the trigger for other underlying issues that the couple has already experienced for a long time.